There are many reasons why people cheat, and none of those reasons are good enough. Some of the most common ones are due to stupidity, taking advantage of a moment, ignorance, ego, or simply trying something new and figuring out what else is there besides your partner.
Most of the time, it happens due to the lack of self-control or because it makes you feel desired by someone else who isn’t your partner. It gives people the feeling of being important, heroic and provides another way of being the one who carries all the power.
Usually, some moments lead into this, and temptation creeps into the back of the mind. The person who cheats thinks the whole experience is enjoyable, exciting, and they can cover it up and keep it a secret, so they don’t hurt the other one in the relationship.
This kind of behavior is usually followed by a few lies the person tries to tell themselves. The whole thing won’t do any harm because it didn’t mean anything, and they still love their partner. That’s wrong. Another lie is that no one will know.
The other side always feels that something is off. There’s still a moment that puts all the gears in motion. This single moment is what starts the infidelity, even though the other side thinks that it won’t. On the other side of cheating, lie promises about a better life, it seems exciting, and it can be thought of like hypnosis.
But, all of those words that a cheater might say are not real, but they cause a lot of real problems that can never be resolved again. It doesn’t matter what the reason for an affair is. It’s hard to forgive a wife for doing it with another man because it takes a huge emotional toll and shakes up the foundation of trust and the entire relationship.
Even if everything was going wrong in your life, at least she was there to comfort you, you believed in her, and your judgment was wrong. This might cause lifelong scars in the capacity to trust another human being or to have any sort of belief in your judgment again.
Even though it seems like hell awaits, it’s still possible not to end the relationship and work things out. It will be hard. At some points, it might seem unbearable, but infidelity can also bring you closer together.
Does Cheating Mean There’s No More Love?
Humans have complicated relationships. Finding the ideal partner is one of the hardest things to do in your life. You expect your spouse to be your best friend, intimate sexual partner, and you also hope for them to have the same interests as you.
At times, this can be too much to ask of a single human being. And whenever we’re involved with people, the relationships aren’t black and white. You don’t have a love-hate relationship with everyone you know. There are graduate distinctions with all your connections.
Sometimes bad people do good things, and good people do bad things. Most people don’t do negative things in their lives, but that doesn’t mean they can’t do them. When women cheat, they can still be in love with their partners.
There is an interesting part of psychology at play here. When your wife has an affair, that doesn’t usually mean that she wants to be in a different relationship. Instead, she wants the thing she has with you to be a bit different. In a way, that makes sense. When you met her, she wasn’t the same, and you weren’t too. Everyone remembers the honeymoon phase with the fondest memories.
You present your best self, and she does too. Ever since then, up until now, a lot of time passes, and life happens in the meantime. Couples usually lose their nurturing nature, and they forget about the validation, intimacy, attention, and affection that their partner needs.
Of course, this is not to say that the affair should be forgiven immediately without any repercussions. Instead, this serves as a means of understanding why it happened. If you want to repair and hold on to the precious thing you have with your wife, the first thing towards fixing what’s been broken is to try and understand. You won’t be the first one to forgive, and you won’t be the last.
How Does It Happen?
When you find out that your soulmate has betrayed you, the only word that’s ringing in your head is why. In order to understand how and why it happens, you need to look at things from another perspective and put yourself in her shoes.
sometimes this can mean she’s expressing her loneliness, or she might want more intimacy, and you didn’t show that you desired, loved, and wanted her. Now, these might all be good points, and you should remember that relationships are built on this kind of foundation.
No one in the world can exist completely alone. We can’t live without the people who are closest to us. We crave connection with others, and if we try to push our feelings down, they only come back up to the surface, and they create a problem when they arise.
If you don’t meet each other’s needs, at some point in the future, the relationship will splinter, and they might be tempted to find someone else who will try to fulfill their needs.
How Can You Heal From It?
Consider your relationship like a book. Every day you spend together is another new page, and it takes years to build something that’s long and beautiful. Each one of you has a version of the book, and it gives a different meaning to both of you.
When one side betrays the trust you have, the other side’s book gets burned in seconds. There’s no way to fix it immediately. The only way is to try and collect the pieces and try to go on from there. The first thing is brutal honesty.
Your wife will have to be completely honest with what went wrong, and you’re going to have to say everything she needs to do in order to get it back as it was. Since you’re the one who’s hurt, you’re going to need a lot of confirmation.
Privacy will become an issue since you’ll want to know where she is, with whom, and for how long. There will be feelings of paranoia and insecurity. You might have never felt like that, but you’ll start feeling jealousy. The most important thing is to confirm that you want to trust her again, and you want to stop feeling what you’re feeling at the moment. With time, you can heal.
Born in Belarus, 1985, a pedagogue and family psychologist, mother. Taking part in procedures of social adaptation of the foster children in new families. Since 2015 is a chief editor of the motherhow.com project, selecting the best and up-to-date material for those, who are planning, expecting, and already having babies.