Child Adoption – is a way of upbringing in a family of the children deprived of parental care. At adopting, legal (personal and property) relations that exist between parents and children are established between the adoptee and the adopter.
Have you ever thought of child adoption as of an option to have children at all? I hear people say – “I’m capable of conceiving my own baby…” Sure they are. We all are (almost all of us), and let me be straight – often those, who don’t deserve to have children. But if you are a person with no health issues, nice home, good salary and, no less important, developed morals and ability to give – think of that. The abandoned children – is what we, the members of the society are responsible for. All for one.
The dog became a cat
Maybe, it is far from the human reality, but I remember one of the most inspiring child adoption stories from my childhood: my pregnant cat passed away at delivery and left 4 hungry helpless balls of fur. Cute and blind. We were trying to feed them with cow-milk, but constant waking during the night was unbearable. You’d also have to check the temperature of the warmer, make them pee with a wet sponge because otherwise those processes don’t work. And that was a torture for my mother, who had to go to work after such a night.
So during the day, I’d put them close to my dog’s hot belly (a mixture of Airedale and Eskimo) and she didn’t mind too much. Day by day she got used to those kittens and I noticed they would start to latch on to dog’s empty breasts. Three days after they were sucking with appetite and that was the first miracle to me, as a 7-year old girl – the dog, who had never had puppies, had become milky dog mother in just 4 days! There was no need of bottles and night shifts anymore. The kittens had their mother, who was licking, feeding and warming them up. Later as they grew up, they used to knock the not so small dog out in order to eat. The dog was exhausted, but her maternity instinct had raised 4 perfect strong and huge by the size vivid cats, who still live at some of my friends’ and relatives.
So what are those mechanisms? And how is that natural – a dog nursing kittens? Of course, domestic animals are not the game and the hunter, they can live together, but still they are different. So when I hear somebody arguing on child adoption topic, using such terms as “bad genetics”, I always remember the tenderness and true care of the animal to the creatures, which are alien to the dog even by the looks.
Like father like son
I know – «like father like son»! However, it is true only in case the father shows the model of the behavior. It is not true in case of baby adoption. You cannot be the son of your father if you have never seen him in your life. I’m not trying to encourage you to adopt a child, who has severe behavior deviations or the deficiency of mental or physical condition. That is for the “strongest of the world”, who have patience, money, and a great will to HELP someone. But if a cozy family life with little stress – is what you need – adoption is the case.
Sure, you may need to turn for professional help of the people, who are keen in such processes like child adoption and adaptation of the adopted children in the new family. But your true, honest, warm care should be the basis.
Just imagine: you were born and your body was expecting, that someone very close and caring is there to protect you, react each scream and crying, hold you tight and warm you up during the cold nights. You got a cold reception instead. Hospital beds, hurrying medical stuff, a personal folder in the closet of the baby hatch, you hear the other babies crying and nobody is applying you to the breast. You get formula feeding from the cool-headed medical staff, who have seen it all and their hearts got broken once and forever. Then you get transmitted to the other place, together with the other children, who are also on their own and there’s no one like mother anywhere around. What kind of person will you become?
Someone is always waiting for you…
“I am Eugene, I am 41 and I was raised in the orphanage. I never got adopted by the family. We had a good orphanage: the teachers were kind, the bed was clean, the food was hot. We got aid, the sponsors used to bring us toys, games, and stuff for school, the volunteers used to take us out for an ice-cream or to the cinema, they used to play their music to us, some of us were lucky to be on a weekend foster care. But I remember clearly that all I wanted whenever I heard the sound of the opening front door of the orphanage – that it was a woman, who was looking for me – her son. And that she’d talk to the nurse, then go to the teacher, then enter our playroom, seeking for me, would finally come up and say – “Let’s go home, son” But that never happened…
Now I have my own family and three children. Two of them are adopted. Child adoption just seemed so natural to us. My wife says I’m a perfect husband and best father and sometimes it seems to me, that she really means it! We love our children and we’re doing our best to keep the family safe and wealthy. We run a beneficiary foundation, rising money to get the foster care to a better level. I was lucky to meet Paolina and she has become my family. Unfortunately, I am one of 10% of the abandoned children, who manage to live a good life after the orphanage. 30% of “us” become prisoners, 10% of “us” become victims of crimes, 35% of “us” suffer from behavioral disorders, including alcoholism and drug addiction. How comes, that children, who were taken care of in the orphanage, are not able to become full members of the society? The reason is that what they had expected from the society never happened. Like I never got my mom. I was waiting, praying, looking out of the window, but the expectations were not justified. I decided to be a good parent myself. I never grieved since then. Someone is always waiting for you, I know that.”
The related post about Fatherhood as the Quality of a Real Man
Child Adoption: finding a reason
Our society has progressed and achieved such level of development just because we’ve learned, how to deal with the aggressive environment – the cold, the darkness, the wild. And we did it together, in a smaller commune.
Now there’s so many of us…. but what would you do if one of your close relatives will not be able to take care of the own child? Will you give a helping hand like raising a child in your family?
Adopting children is quite the same, but all those abandoned children – are children of the society, who is indifferent to the problems of the others. We can stay blind, le it go, mind our own business. True – not you, and not I have abandoned all those children. But it’s a fact that there are children without a family, who would have less conditions to grow up a healthy-minded, caring and tolerant people. Just because they were deprived of all those things initially. Like a colorblind won’t tell you, what is red, and what is green. Indifference becomes our crime, as we step aside.
Life after adoption
Child adoption is something really particular and sacrificial. You have to have the reasons and take the responsibilities! You have a hard task, but the reward is boggling. If you don’t have enough motivation take your time and rely on compassion: think about the pain he had to go through. Realize for a moment that each time the baby was asking for his mother to come, which was natural for us, those, who had mothers, eventually got nothing! 10 minutes of physical contact of the unrelated person. Now try to compensate everything, starting, of course, with the emotional part. Remember – the baby, who had once been abandoned, has lower trust in emotions so you’d probably have to teach a baby how to receive and express love by….
Expressing love. Trust me – through care and patience you will give the baby a great chance to become a person he/she would never have a chance to become without you and the act of adoption! That is what the parents are for. And if you are ready to adopt – you are already better than some of those birth parents, who had no obvious reasons to leave their children. You have better chance to love your adopted child. Be happy, show, how to be happy and there will be a day when hearing “I love you, Mom” or “Daddy, you are the best” from your child will be the best award for all your efforts.